How to stop living on autopilot and start living like you

How to stop living on autopilot and start feeling like yourself again

Image courtesy of Andrea Piacquadio via Pexels

Do you ever have those days where you feel like you blink and the day is over? It feels like the hours you spent awake have just disappeared into a black hole. You know you did something with your time, but you’d struggle to sum it up in an intelligible sentence if someone asked you what you did that day.

I’ve experienced this weird Alice in Wonderland type sensation myself where time just seemed to melt and it’s rather disconcerting, even without meeting that strange array of characters down a rabbit hole! It can feel isolating, as though you’ve lost the ability to enjoy the things that make you happy. But you’ve not. You’re just stuck living on autopilot.

What is autopilot?

Put simply autopilot is when you stop living life and start performing it instead. When you’re on autopilot, you’ve become so caught up in the routine of life that you’ve stopped actually being present. It’s a disconnect between who you are and what you’re doing and can feel like your sense of self has left the conversation entirely.

There’s nothing wrong with your brain when you’re on autopilot (in fact, it’s a sign that your brain is functioning well.) What’s happening is that your routine has begun to feel like a series of repetitive tasks and your brain has decided to be smart and handle these tasks with minimal effort so that you can conserve energy for things that require more attention. The trouble is, it’s not cottoned on to the fact that you want to pay attention to your daily routine!

If autopilot has become your default setting, you’re not alone. Let’s dig a little deeper into why you might be stuck on autopilot and explore some practical techniques to help you feel more present again.

Why am I stuck on autopilot?

The reasons behind your brain choosing to pivot from “I’m here and I’m alert” mode to autopilot mode are complex and very individual. It’s worth pointing out that the switch doesn’t happen overnight. You don’t go to bed feeling fully present and wake up on autopilot. It’s a change that happens gradually, sometimes with no apparent trigger.

However, I’ve been a coach long enough to have noticed connections between feeling like you’re stuck on autopilot and certain factors in the client’s background. It doesn’t mean they’re relevant to you but exploring them could be useful.

• Taking on too much responsibility – whether intentional or unintentional – stretches you thinly. Energy becomes a prized possession that your brain must guard and keep safe at all costs. Autopilot becomes the path of least resistance because you can still complete tasks efficiently and protect your energy reserves.

• Compromising your values to fit in with other people and keep them happy is an energy intensive task, even when you’re not aware you’re doing it. When what you’re doing isn’t aligned with your values, you lose that sense of purpose you need to keep you moving forward. You can learn more about values-based exhaustion by reading my previous blog post ‘What your exhaustion is really trying to tell you’ How to build self-esteem: 3 things you need to know

• Receiving a knock to your confidence can sometimes send your brain into autopilot. It’s a protective mechanism that feels safe and comfortable. By just going through the motions, your brain thinks it’s minimising the chances of you taking risks that might expose you to a situation where your confidence might be knocked again.

The issue is, when your brain takes the easy path, you end up feeling further and further away from who you are and who you want to be.

Whole life check-in

One of my top tips for identifying the cause of your autopilot situation is to perform a whole life check-in. A bit like a whole-body scan in Yoga, you’re taking time to tune into yourself and identify sources of tension. The only difference is that the whole-body scan in Yoga encourages you to identify sources of tension internally whereas a whole life check-in encourages you to identify sources of tension externally.

A whole life check-in doesn’t require much – just a pen, a notebook and a quiet environment. Everyone’s check-in will look slightly different but here are some categories and questions to get you thinking.

1. Relationships with family and friends – are your relationships healthy? Are you finding a particular relationship draining? Are you maintaining relationships to please other people? Is there a relationship in your life that is taking more from you than it’s giving to you?

2. Career – is your job giving you satisfaction? Do your role and your workplace truly align with your values? Do you feel like you can progress in your career or do you feel stuck? Are your boundaries being respected at work?

3. Health – are you experiencing any significant changes in your hormones? Are you living with a mental or physical health condition that saps your energy and is it effectively managed? Are you living with a neurodivergence and have you had access to the support you need to explore it to develop practical strategies to reduce the cognitive load?

   I often find that the answers in a whole life check-in can be very insightful and act as that first step on your journey to switching yourself back on again.

Bite-sized tips to combat autopilot

I know it’s not always possible to do a whole life check-in every time you recognise the signs you’re slipping into autopilot mode, especially if you catch it in the moment. If you were listening to your boss’ end-of-year presentation for instance, I don’t think they’d be too thrilled if you whipped out a notebook to do a whole life check-in when you’re sat in the front row! Here are some tips for those moments.

Sensory grounding

One of the simplest ways to pull yourself out of autopilot is to notice what's actually happening right now. What can you see, hear, smell, taste, feel? Enjoy that coffee rather than just drinking it for a 3pm caffeine boost. Notice who’s talking to you rather than letting your mind drift to your next task.

Ask yourself what you want

Start small. What do you want for lunch? What would you like to do with an hour of free time? What would make you feel genuinely good right now? Listen to those answers, even the small ones and begin connecting with your needs again.

Question the “should”

Autopilot is fuelled by the word “should”. It addresses what you think you should be doing or feeling without giving you the space and time to consider whether that’s what you actually want to be doing. Start questioning them. Which of these should statements are actually yours and which ones have you inherited from somewhere else?

You don't have to figure it all out at once. You don't have to overhaul your entire life tomorrow, but the good news is that you’re already on your way.

If you'd like some support to reconnect with yourself and break free from autopilot, book a free, no-obligation consultation with me.

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