Imposter Syndrome: Why "Just Believe in Yourself" Fails

What imposter syndrome is (and what it isn’t)

Picture courtesy of Ann H via Pexels

Confession time – when I was first starting out in my career, I used to daydream about being the “expert” in the room. As a woman, I used to think that someone calling me an “expert” would feel like my own personal Girl Power moment, the ultimate blow-a-raspberry-at-everyone-who-ever-told-me-I-wouldn’t-make-it gesture. But the truth is, when someone finally did call me an expert, I found myself looking back over my shoulder to find out who they were talking about!

Instead of celebrating having achieved one of the most important milestones in my career, I found myself having to listen to my inner critic droning on and on like a Disney villain: any minute now, they’ll figure out that I don’t actually belong here.

And I know I’m not alone.

Let’s explore imposter syndrome through a different lens, one that actually helps you to quieten the voice of your inner-critic and allows you to celebrate that moment of glory like you deserve to.

What imposter syndrome isn’t

If you've ever sat with that feeling of not feeling worthy of your achievements. you've probably also been handed the standard explanation for it: you have imposter syndrome, which means, deep down, you don't believe you're good enough at your job. The fix, apparently, is to just... believe in yourself more. Maybe make a list of your accomplishments. Maybe say some affirmations in the mirror. Don’t get me wrong, both techniques have their place but it’s just not here.

Most of the time, you probably have tangible evidence that you can actually be the expert that people look up to, and you probably even believe that you can. But the problem begins and ends with the fact that you don’t feel worthy of such an elevated position.

Imposter syndrome is never really about your actual ability to do something. It's about your self-esteem. Those are two completely different problems, which is exactly why the "just believe in yourself" advice so rarely works. You can't logic your way out of a feeling that isn't rooted in logic to begin with.

The three selves of imposter syndrome

Self-criticism

In my coaching career, I’ve noticed an interesting (and counterintuitive) pattern when it comes to imposter syndrome: it’s the people who are career-driven that are most likely to feel like frauds. Not the “I didn’t actually start preparing this presentation until 11pm last night” people but the “I was proofreading this presentation for the twentieth time at 11pm last night” people (trust me, no judgement either way here – my ADHD brain has plenty of experience being both on its CV!) That’s because the devoted proofreader is driven by two things that the last-minute thriver isn’t: perfectionism and comparison.

Perfectionism in this context isn’t just about creating “good” work. It’s about creating “flawless” work so almost nothing ever quite counts as enough. And comparison means you're measuring your behind-the-scenes reality (the drafts, the doubts, the rehearsals) against everyone else's polished front-of-house performance. You will always lose that comparison, because it isn't a fair one. Essentially, you’ve set the bar for yourself higher than you can ever reach but that won’t stop you from criticising yourself when you don’t reach it.

Self-talk

Underneath the criticism is a story you're running about who you are. Not a conclusion drawn from the facts in front of you, but an old narrative that gets replayed every time you're in a position to succeed.

That narrative usually has roots somewhere. Maybe in early messages you absorbed about needing to earn your place, or about achievement being the price of approval (something I think a lot of people my age will recognise as being a kind of childhood mantra!) Maybe in a past failure that got filed away as proof of something bigger than it actually was. Sometimes it's a values misalignment, where part of you knows this role or this achievement doesn't fully fit who you are, and "fraud" is the closest word your brain has for that mismatch.

There's also often a protective function tucked inside it, whether you'd admit to this or not. If you've already decided you're a fraud, then failure doesn't come as a shock because you saw it coming. It's a strange kind of armour that’s painful to wear but feels safer than the alternative of genuinely recognising that you are worthy of something, only to be destabilised by a snide comment that leaves you feeling vulnerable all over again. This is also why reassurance alone doesn't work on its own. You're running a belief system, and belief systems don't dissolve because someone hands you a compliment.

Self-esteem

Once we dig down past these two layers, we come to the root of imposter syndrome: self-esteem. Your CV, your results, your track record – none of that is really in dispute. What's in dispute is whether you're allowed to take any of it in. That's a self-esteem question, not a skills question.

And this is precisely why external validation doesn't fix it. You can be told you did a great job by your boss, your client, your mum, and a stranger on the internet, and the feeling barely moves the needle because you're trying to pour proof into a container that was never built to hold it. The belief about yourself was formed somewhere else, and it doesn't update just because new evidence turns up.

How to tackle the imposter

We’ve established that imposter syndrome doesn’t come from a knowledge gap or any real-world evidence, so how the heck do we challenge something that only we believe?! There are so many answers to that question available on the internet (and some of them are truly mind melting) but here’s my take: imposter syndrome is a belief and the only way to change beliefs is to challenge them. It doesn’t have to be confrontational process and you’re not “at war” with the imposter. A gradual persuasive process that shifts your mindset is what you need to make lasting change.

Here are five micro-tips to support you on your journey.

1.       Say it out loud – express how you feel to someone you trust so that you don’t have to deal with these feelings alone.

2.       Question it – every time you catch yourself in the imposter syndrome mindset ask yourself: what evidence do I have to support that belief?

3.       Recognise stereotypes - instead of taking your doubts as gospel, recognise when stereotypes may be at play. For example, if you’re the only female in the room, you might have unconscious internalised beliefs about the “place” of women in society.

4.       Accept compliments – acknowledge the work you put into something and the appreciation you’re getting for that work rather than dismissing it as “nothing”.

5.       Look back – celebrate those previous wins that you’ve overlooked and acknowledge the hard work and skills that helped you achieve them.

Beyond the imposter

You are not an imposter. You're someone who is learning, growing, and doing genuinely difficult things, often while carrying an old story that was never really about your abilities at all. The competence was never the issue. It was the belief in yourself that needed attention.

You've earned the space you're standing in. It's allowed to feel like yours.

If you’d like support to work through imposter syndrome in a compassionate space, book a free, no obligation consultation with me today.

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